Dear Bob,
I don't understand why they keep disappearing! First Orion and now Kearney! This time though I actually had Kearney's baby, so him leaving me was a bit more hurtful. Oh well, I guess I will find someone else. Sadly, I am too old to have children now, so I hope by producing Oscar it was enough. I went to the salon to get my hair done. Wouldn't you know it, Kearney's ex wife Shannon was there! She was sporting the same mo-hawk that I was, probably why he left me. It was fine though, I met this wonderful man there. Lewis Jasper. It didn't take long for me to have him under my spell and invite him back to my place. I was old, I couldn't waist anymore time.
Lewis was younger than what I was hoping for. Kearney was perfect, he was older and I could see us living out the last of our lives together. The curse would still be broken, but I'd have at least had one spouse to grow old and die with. Sadly when he disappeared, he took that dream with him.
Sad and lonely,
Evangeline
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He's old now too Bob!
Well, I invited Lewis over today and wouldn't you know it, the man had his birthday! Didn't even tell me about it either! It's great that he's an elder like me now, but still I am so much older than he, it just won't work to die together. What happens if I die first? I know they say women live longer than men, but you never know right? Right! So I have to kill him now! Wonder if it will count since I can't have his baby? Worth trying I guess.
I have to get him under my spell first though, he's a tough cookie to break let me tell you!
But it wasn't long before I popped the question and he said yes! And then, I didn't wait, we just got married! I'm a newlywed!
Going to enjoy my wedding night, later!
Evangeline
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Bobberdoodle!
I was such a wonderful wife today! I bought Lewis a new toy! It's a jet pack! I hope he's careful with it! No really, I promise I want him to be careful!
Crash and Burn,
Evangeline
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Dammit Bob, it's your fault!
He didn't die. He crashed a lot, but he didn't die! Why do I have so much trouble killing! It should come naturally to me by now. Oh no, these guys just keep outsmarting me!
I then sent Lewie down to get me a candy bar, I just left out the fact that the machine was stuck! Ooops!
Fu*Ker still didn't die! Ugh, I am not getting any younger butt munch!
My last attempt was to starve the poor bastard. I'm sorry, I know, cruel! But nothing else was working! Even the cow plant spit his stanky ass back out! So I blocked the fridge, a lot, till one night at bedtime.
Finally! Number 10 down! The curse should be broken! Hallelujah!
Let you know after I talk to the elders,
Evangeline
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Oh yeah forgot!
While Lewiebalwie was dying, Oscar aged up to a child! Wooo kids are almost out of here!
Okay now bye!
Evangeline
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I cannot believe this crap Bob!
So I spoke to soon. How I spoke to soon, I have no idea. You won't believe this shit. So you know how Mr. Lewis died! Yeah, well get this! Bob, the other Bob, not you Bob. Anyways, Bob, decided that Lewis was just too wonderful to have around and so resurrected his ass! And I quote, since he told me this stuff. "Lewis, your constant misfortune amuses me and those around you. (I'M NOT AMUSED! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS SAYING EVERYONE AROUND HIM!) It would be a shame to take that priceless (PRICELESS! IT COST ME A LOT TO SET UP THESE MURDERS!) entertainment from them. (FROM THEM REALLY? WHO? I'M TRYING TO GET RID OF HIM!) I'll take you some other day."
Well, how the hell do you like that! And right in the middle of birthdays! So then the newly resurrected dumbass comes running out of the bedroom like his pants are on fire! Ooooh a ghost, and a bonehilda, and a reaper, scary!
He runs to the other side of the house, and since Bob (the other Bob) didn't fill his hungry up very much, he then proceeds to die again! YES!
In the middle of all the commotion of Lewie dying, Matreya ages to a teenager!
Dammit Grim! I'm not even calling him Bob anymore! He doesn't deserve to sport the fancy name!
So with Lewis back alive, starving and needing to die. Langston decides at this time its time for his birthday! He's not home though, so I had to get the news of him growing up from a text. I love my kids, they are so thoughtful!
Ah yes, and we cannot forget Noemip. Since her twin sister aged up, we knew it was just a matter of seconds before she did too!
My house was a madhouse by this point. Birthdays everywhere. Deaths happening then unhappening. I even had a regular joke going on in my bedroom! Have you heard the one about the ghost, the grim reaper and the bonehilda that walk into a bar and met up with a werewolf? Yep, that was my room, a big fat joke!
So we have a third try! It's the charm right? Right.
Wrong!
I give up.
Evangeline
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Howdy Bob,
No I haven't gotten Lewis dead yet. I have been enjoying lots of woohoo with the immortal dork though! I figured if I can't kill em, f*ck em! No really I have been thinking of new ways to kill him, just nothing is working! I have tried to send him into the future, he just got stuck halfway there and all it did was teleport him back to me. I tried the jet pack some more, the vending machines, nothing was killing him! I even tried old faithful cow plant, one more time! And I thought it worked, he was spit back out, but then he died shortly afterwards. Grim showed up in all his glory, and I thought finally!
Then Grim laughed at me! Can you believe that shit! I have done nothing but make his job easy! How dare he think he's being funny! Just take him already!
I'm beginning to think there is a conspiracy going on!
Not even going to end this with a witty remark.
Evangeline
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Bob,
My baby is now a teenager! How time has flown by! I am getting so old now, I can barely hear half the things anyone tells me. I don't think I'm going to be able to break this curse.
Older but not wiser,
Evangeline
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